Snowed In
by tlcinbflo
Summary: Admiral Jess Shepard is in Vancouver with the rest of Alliance Brass to commemorate the end of the Reaper War. The Council is in town, too. With a snow storm on the way, and all travel banned, Shepard will have to accept help – and shelter – from the last person she wants to, the man who broke her heart and left her alone to fight the Reapers - Kaidan Alenko. (Rated M for a reason)
1. Chapter 1

Snowed In

"What do you mean there are no shuttles out of here?" Jess Shepard asked, glaring at the attendant behind the counter. Her black coffee colored eyes were narrowed and her brow creased with pure frustration. The attendant stepped back, clearly uncomfortable and rightfully so. You would never guess the petite, blonde Admiral shouting at the clerk was either loved or feared in equal measures, depending on which side of her temper you found yourself on. It had been three years since Admiral Shepard had activated the Crucible and defeated the Reapers. She had been missing in action for weeks after the initial blast. It wasn't until her crew, the only family she had, insisted on searching for her that they found her among the rubble of the Citadel.

She'd been barely alive, burned, and broken, but it wasn't the first time her remains had been pulled from space. This time, however, she hadn't actually been dead. Miranda Lawson, the lead scientist on her original resurrection, had assisted in the repairs. They'd kept her in a coma while they healed her. Regrowing bones and patching her torn flesh until she was complete again.

This time had been different. Without Cerberus' supplies and funds there were issues, and when she woke she wasn't able to hop up and get back to work like she had before. She needed to relearn to walk, and she'd had difficulty with speech. She'd always had a reputation. Civilians were in awe of her, her subordinates feared her, her peers respected her, and her COs trusted her. It wasn't until she was forced to depend on others that she realized how much they all cared for her, and that made her uncomfortable. When people cared about her, they got hurt, or hurt her.

Once she was officially back on her feet and able to work again, she was promoted, skipping a few ranks and going from Commander to Admiral. No one argued with the decision, and her reputation served her well. It helped her get the jobs done to help humanity rebuild and take their place, once again, in galactic society. Moments like this, however, when all she wanted to do was get out of Vancouver and back to her quarters on Arcturus II, made her wish civilians saw her differently.

"I-I'm sorry, Admiral," The tall, lanky redhead stuttered as her green eyes looked everywhere but at Shepard. Shepard closed her eyes and roughly ran her hands through her hair, the straight locks fell and brushed her shoulders before she opened her eyes again. She tried to force a smile, but feared that it came across as a grimace. "The flights have been cancelled due to the storm," She explained. "The next flight out won't be until tomorrow evening, once the band of snow has moved passed us."

"This is not okay," She snapped, her hand pounding the counter.

"Is there a problem, Admiral?" A honey-smooth voice crooned from behind her and her eyes closed as she clenched her jaw.

"No, Councilor," She sneered the title, and heard the quick exhale of breath he let escape. "Everything is fine. This nice young woman was just going to book a room for me, since there are no flights out of this god-forsaken hell hole," She answered. When she opened her eyes and looked to the clerk, the apprehension on her face told Shepard everything she needed to know.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am," She said and Shepard took a deep breath and turned on her heel, leaving the Councilor standing at the counter with the clerk and bursting through the doors into the frozen Vancouver night. She had no idea where she was going to go now. All of Alliance Brass was in Vancouver, as well as the Council, to commemorate the end of the war. She was only supposed to be here one day and then get home, now she was stuck.

"Admiral," She heard him again, and she turned her back towards the voice. She slung her bag further up on her shoulder and stalked away from him. "Shepard!" She quickened her steps when she realized he was following her. "Goddamn it, Jess! Stop!" She froze, and turned on her heel bringing her face to face with Councilor Kaidan Alenko.

Once upon a time, before she died over Alchera, before Cerberus, before the Reapers, he had been her best friend and for a brief time, they had been lovers. That was a long time ago. Once Cerberus had brought her back, they had never quite seen eye to eye. She had opened herself up to him, loved him, and when she had needed him, like she had on Horizon, he had walked away from her. On Mars, he called her a husk and doubted her loyalty. When the late Councilor Udina attempted his coup, he'd held a gun on her and refused to believe she was telling the truth about the man until Udina had pulled his own weapon on Tevos, the Asari Councilor.

When she thought he was going to ask to join her on the Normandy, to take out the Reapers, he told her he had accepted a position with Admiral Hackett and the Fifth Fleet. His reason had been that it would be better that Humanity's two Spectres weren't serving on the same ship, but she knew the truth. He didn't trust her and didn't want to work that closely with her. After the war ended, her promotion, and his being named to the Council, they were forced to work together on an almost regular basis. She hated him for it. Why couldn't he just leave her alone?

"Where are you going?" He asked her simply and she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "My parent's house is… it's small but it's empty and it's nearby," He offered and she glared at him without answering. "Unless you'd rather sleep on the sidewalk," He said, and she chewed her lip as she looked around. There weren't many hotels in the city, and with the dignitaries in town there wouldn't be room anywhere else. They were still working on rebuilding. She looked back at him. His hands were dug deep into the pockets of his dark gray peacoat, which fit him perfectly, hugging his broad shoulders and wide chest. He wore a blue scarf around his neck, but his cheeks and nose were tinged red from the cold. She sighed and ignored the smirk that pulled at the corner of his lips as she followed him.

Kaidan looked at her out of the corner of his eye as she caught up to him. She was still stunning, and stubborn as hell, but everything he wanted. He knew he had screwed up, and he didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive him but with the way she ignored him he was never able to really apologize and explain himself. "Fuck, Kaidan, this weather sucks. How the hell can you stand living here?" She mumbled as she rubbed her hands together. He made a sharp turn at a corner and she tripped to keep up with him. She cursed him and he chuckled, and slowed his steps. "Where are we going?"

"We have to stop at this store here," He explained as he led her to the door, and held it open. She stepped in looking around the small shop asking what they needed. "The house has been empty since the end of the war," He explained, and she stopped and looked at him as he walked in. His parents had died in the war and when his eyes met hers she saw the pain there, and her attitude softened slightly. She knew what it was like to lose your family. "So, we need to get some food," He explained as he grabbed a basket and some essentials: Milk, eggs, bread, peanut butter, and jelly.

She peered in the basket, and then looked up to his eyes. "I see we're going to eat very well," She sighed, and he chuckled softly.

"Shepard, they don't have a lot of options here," He reminded her and she looked around, her lip pinched between her teeth. It was a small convenience store, stocking only the bare essentials, or snacks for travelers passing through. She spotted something in the corner, and Kaidan watched her walk over, his brow creased. She came back over to him with a case of beer, and he grinned. "Now, you're getting it." She rolled her eyes, and they moved to pay for their items. Once they finished, they continued their walk towards the house.

"How far is it?" She asked him, her teeth chattering. She hadn't quite dressed for the weather. She wore only a simply coat over her dress blues. She hadn't really planned on being here overnight. He gestured with his hand towards a quaint house set back from the street. She turned, and her heart warmed at the site of his family home. It was small, and looked more like a cottage out of an old storybook. The garden had once been full of life and flowers, but neglect left little to admire. Kaidan and she went to the front and he opened his omni-tool to unlock the door. He pushed it open and allowed her to enter first.

She looked around, and sighed. She could almost see Kaidan as a young boy with his parents here, laughing and enjoying each other. She turned and looked to him as he locked the door and faced her. For a brief moment, she saw the pain flash across his face. She shivered again as she followed him into the kitchen. It was a clean room, as clean as it could be without being used. The fridge was wide open and empty. Kaidan set the bags down on the table. "Wait here," He said, quietly, his tone subdued as he opened a door in the back of the room and descended the stairs to the basement.

She watched him go before looking around and wandering from the kitchen into the living area. She blew into her hands, and rubbed them together trying to bring the feeling back to her chilled fingers. She found pictures hanging on the walls stood in front of them. She felt a twist in her core as she realized they were pictures of him and his parents. One of his parents on their wedding day, a picture of his parents with him when he was an infant. There was also a wall of photos of him through his school years. It was clear his parents were quite proud of him. The pictures stopped when he was about fifteen. BAaT. Shepard jumped when there was a loud click, and the electricity turned on. She went back to the kitchen and left most of the groceries on the counter, but put milk and eggs in the fridge.

Kaidan stopped when he reached the door to the kitchen. Shepard was just standing after reaching behind the fridge to plug it in, and his breath caught in his throat. It was the oddest thing, having her here in his parents' house, but it felt right. She turned and met his eyes. He hated how quickly her walls went up when she looked at him now. He remembered how easy they had it when they were together before. "Heat?" She asked, quietly blowing into her hands again bringing him out of his thoughts.

He nodded towards the living room. The furnace wasn't on, it would have been too dangerous with the house being empty. There was, however, a fireplace. "Oh you have got to be shitting me," She said, and Kaidan couldn't help but laugh as he crouched down in front of the fireplace. He reached inside and opened the flue before prepping the tinder and logs to start the fire. She raised an eyebrow at him as she watched him. It didn't take him long to get the fire started, and he looked up at her.

"You don't have to stay," He reminded her with a sigh as he pulled off his coat and scarf. She said nothing as she ignored the way the dress shirt stretched over his chest and shoulders. It was a simple white shirt, and he wore black pants with it, but it fit him like it had been made for him. It probably had been. She just pulled off her own coat, revealing the snug set of dress blues beneath. She ignored his eyes as they moved over her form. "Are you hungry?" He asked her and she shook her head. He added a few more logs to the fire and sat on the floor in front of it, leaning up against the couch.

"Do you want a beer?" She asked, and he nodded and thanked her, watching her leave. He sighed and wiped his hands on his pants and looked around the room. The shadows danced and he closed his eyes and listened to the fire pop and crackle. He could almost imagine his parents were here. His Dad in the chair to his right, reading his paper. His mom sitting on the couch behind him, knitting, while he sat on the floor and toyed with his omni-tools or his books. He could almost smell the tobacco of his father's pipe and the peppermint of his mother's hand lotion. He choked back a sob, and opened his eyes surprised that they had filled with tears.

Shepard was standing in the doorway watching him, beer in hand. He looked so lost sitting there, and she wondered momentarily if this was the first time he had been here since his parents' death. She moved into the room and check the window. The snow had started, large, white fluffy flakes falling from the sky. They had made it to the house just in time. She took a long pull from the bottle before turning to go back by the fire. She wanted to give him a moment, it was obvious this was difficult for him.

When she did go to him, she handed him his beer and he took it before she sat next to him on the floor. She asked him about the Council, and they spoke about her Fleet. They discussed their friends from the Normandy SR-1. Tali and Garrus were living together on Rannoch. Wrex and Eve were on Tuchanka raising their brood. Dr. Chakwas and Joker were still serving on the SR-2 with Shepard. As they spoke, they drank, and Kaidan noticed as the rosiness of her cheeks and the glassiness of her eyes increased with each beverage. He had missed this, sitting with her, simply spending time with her without the drama and shouting.

She tipped her head back to finish off her drink and set it with the other empties. She turned and looked over her shoulder. The snow was coming down hard now, she could only see white out the window. The lull in the conversation allowed them to hear the howling winds outside. She glanced at him as he opened another bottle, trying not to look uncomfortable. She wasn't used to this kind of weather, and she let the pleasant buzz she felt dull the anxiety. He shifted to his knees and she watched as he moved over to the fireplace to add more wood.

She couldn't help the way her eyes watched his body as he moved. The muscles shifting and visible even through his shirt. She chewed her lip. He had aged well. The changes to him had surprised her and she had to remember that while she spent two years being essentially rebuilt, he had continued to grow older. He had a dusting of gray hair laced through his dark curls. There were new lines on his face, around his mouth and near his eyes but he had clearly taken care of himself. He was more than just a soldier; he was a weapon. His strength and biotics making him lethal.

He could feel her eyes on him as he stoked the fire. He turned and glanced at her over his shoulder, and her eyes darted away from him. He stood and went to a closet nearby. He pulled out a few pillows and blankets tossing them at her before he went back to the couch. She pulled the blankets off her head and looked at him. He was smirking and she rolled her eyes. He joined her again, arranging the blankets around them.

"Kaidan," She started, apprehension thick in her voice, but he interrupted her.

"There's only one fireplace in the house, and it's going to get colder with the wind. We're going to have to stay close," He explained and she sighed. She could feel the heat coming from him. She could smell him, too; spicy and masculine. She wasn't upset about being so close to him. It just hurt. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she still loved him and that was why she was always so angry with him. He'd been able to move on and build a life without her but he had a two year head start. She didn't trust herself alone with him, especially a few drinks in. It was silent for a few minutes, as they watched the fire before them. "Jess," He started and felt her tense beside him. "I know you're angry with me, and I get it but I'd like the opportunity to explain," He added and she sighed as she toyed with the edge of the blanket.

"It's not like I can get away from you," She reminded him, her eyes locked on the dancing flames as she tried to ignore the sound of the wind and the scent of the man next to her.

"It was never my intention to hurt you," He admitted quietly, and she scoffed at him. He clenched his jaw momentarily before he continued. "It wasn't ever about you, it was self-preservation. You died. I buried you. I mourned you. I tried to move on, but I couldn't. Then suddenly you were back and it was more than I could handle. I didn't think I could survive losing you again, so I pushed you away. On Horizon, on Mars, I said things I shouldn't have, things I didn't mean, so I could hurt you the way I was hurting. It wasn't right, I know that, but I'm only human and I did what I had to do to survive."

She didn't say anything for a long time. What he said made sense, it didn't make it hurt any less, but it was about as logical as human emotions could be and she couldn't argue with logic. "Why didn't you come with me?" She asked softly, "After Udina's coup attempt, I thought you would have come with me but you went with Hackett."

"Jess," He whispered her name, and her eyes slid closed. "I would not have been effective working with you. I would have been too worried about protecting you. I would have gotten in your way," He explained and she turned her eyes towards him. He was surprised to see they were filled with tears.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" She asked quietly, her voice trembled and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms.

"When? When you were giving me the cold shoulder or when you were shouting at me?" He asked and she sighed. "I am sorry that I hurt you. It is really the last thing I ever wanted to do." She nodded, but said nothing. Kaidan wasn't sure where he stood now as she remained silent. Her eyes were on the fire and after a moment he noticed the tears sliding down her face. "What's wrong?" He asked, startled by the uncharacteristic show of emotion.

"I'm tired. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being strong," She admitted quietly. "I'm tired of missing you," It was a whisper, and he had barely heard it. He reached over and was surprised when she allowed him to turn her head towards him.

"I'm right here," He reminded her when their eyes met, and she nodded. He kept his hand on her face and his heart pounded against his chest as his thumb wiped away her tears. She reached up, her fingers tracing his cheek before cupping his head and bringing her lips to his. It was soft at first, a gentle reacquainting. She could smell his aftershave, and taste the beer on his lips. He pulled back slightly, and his eyes met her. "Jess, I-"

"Shut up, Kaidan," She said, her half-lidded eyes sliding closed and she heard him inhale sharply through his nose as her mouth met his again. She didn't want him to tell her to stop. She just wanted him. She wanted to feel him and remember what it had been like before she had died. His hand slid into her hair, the soft blonde strands tickling his fingers as her mouth opened for him and their kiss deepened. She shifted, without breaking their kiss, and his head fell back as she moved to straddle his lap. He sat forward, wrapping his arms around her as his hands explored the taut muscles of her back though her shirt.

Her hands slid down his back and pulled at the bottom of his shirt, untucking it from his pants. He pulled his lips from hers and sat back, her hands moving to his shoulders as his rested on her hips. He licked his lips before opening his mouth to speak and she silenced him with a hand over his mouth. She shook her head as her free hand moved to her shirt and she undid the buttons. She smirked when his eyes moved to her chest and his hands tightened on her hips. She pulled her shirt off before leaning forward and pressing her body close to his, moving her hand and kissing him deeply. Her tongue danced with his as her teeth teased his lips. He groaned and pulled her hips closer to him.

She could feel him hardening beneath her, and she whimpered softly as she rolled her hips and his hands slid up her back. She trembled against him. He moved his mouth from hers and left a trail of kisses down her jawline. Her head fell back and his teeth and tongue worked against the soft flesh of her neck. He could feel her pulse pounding as he nipped lightly and she gasped. Her breath escaped in a sigh. She leaned back and his lips followed the arch of her chest as his hands expertly undid the clasp behind her. She released him long enough to remove the undergarment before his mouth returned to her neck and collarbone. Her hands were fisted in his hair as he lowered his head and ran his tongue over her hardened nipple. She gasped, and pulled his hair lightly. He growled against her tender flesh before moving to the opposite breast.

She slid her hands from his hair as he suckled gently, lapping at one pebbled tip while his hand slid up her side to cup, and tease, the other. She moaned loudly as she pulled at his shirt. She wanted to press herself against him, skin to skin, and feel the hard expanse of his chest against hers. She wanted to feel the soft scratch of the hair on his chest against her overly sensitized flesh. He separated long enough to allow her to pull the shirt over his head. She met his eyes, which burned with pure need, and whimpered bringing her mouth to his again and sighing into his kiss as her body pressed against his.

He growled from the back of his throat as he lifted her slightly and twisted, lying her beneath him. She sighed as the familiar weight settled on top of her. He was hard, and throbbing against his pants and she slid a hand down between them to his belt. His stomach fluttered with excitement and he sat back on his feet. He kept his eyes locked on hers as she propped herself up on her elbows to watch him. He undid his pants and pulled them, and his boxers, over his hips freeing his impressive length. He felt the masculine pride in his chest when her eyes lowered, and her tongue darted out to wet her lips. She sat up, pressed a hand against his chest, and pushed him back. He sat with his back against the couch as she moved in front of him. She helped him rid himself of his pants, and while on all fours in front of him, she kissed him.

His hands tangled themselves in her hair, holding her close. She pulled away and dropped her head, slowly kissing across his chest. She sighed as she did so, and Kaidan groaned as she moved lower. As her mouth made its way across his core, her hand wrapped around him slowly stroking him and he bit his lip hard to stop himself from bucking into her hand. She looked up at him, smirking as she hovered over his rock hard member and he groaned her name. Slowly, she slipped her mouth around him, her tongue and lips working with her hand. His head fell back and he moaned her name. She answered with a groan around him and he gasped as he tried not to thrust deeper into her mouth.

His hand twisted in her hair, guiding her along his length, and she moaned again as he gently pulled her hair. He could feel himself reaching his peak, and he whimpered her name. He tugged lightly again until she released him, her eyes were clouded with desire as she moved to kiss him. He pulled away from her kiss and moved, gently guiding her to lie back down. Once she was beneath him again, he kissed her thoroughly. One hand moved down and skimmed lightly over her chest and belly. The flesh trembled beneath his touch and he grinned against her mouth when she moaned.

He made quick work of the button and zipper on her pants, and slid his hand inside and beneath her panties. His hand brushed passed the curls and found her hot, wet core and they shared a moan as his fingers slid along her slit before finding and rubbing gently against the bundle of nerves at her center. Her head fell back from his and she let out a string of curse words as he chuckled softly and ran his tongue along her collarbone. Her hands moved from his back to her own pants and she pushed them over her hips as she rolled her hips against his hand. She kicked them off without his help, as her moans came faster and louder.

She was panting and her hands moved back to his hair, tugging to bring his mouth to hers. Her tongue darted out, teasing his lips before sliding inside and gliding against his. "Please, Kaidan, now," She whimpered the words, and he groaned as he moved his hand and spread her legs with his knee. She opened her eyes and met his as he positioned himself at her core. She smiled and cupped his face. She lifted her head and met his in a kiss as he slowly pushed inside her. They shared a moan, and her eyes closed momentarily and a smile pulled at her lips as he filled her.

He kissed her and her legs lifted and wrapped around him as he slowly rocked his hips against hers. Slipping almost all the way out before thrusting back in. He grunted as she met him each time. As he moved inside her, her hands gripped at his back, nails breaking his skin. He growled and moved faster as she panted and urged him on. Her voice rose in volume and pitch as she reached her peak. She whimpered his name like a prayer on every breath, and he lifted himself on his hands, hovering over her and giving himself added leverage to pump inside her. The firelight danced over her naked, sweat-slickened skin. Her flesh was rose-tinted and hot as she gripped at his arms.

She opened her eyes and looked into his face above her. She could feel the muscles in his arms as he held himself up. His eyes flashed blue momentarily, and she knew he was close. She had the thought, as she watched him above her, his face twisted in pleasure and lust that he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Her heart swelled as he took his pleasure from her. She could feel him reaching his peak. Without warning, he flared. The room lit up in a glorious cerulean blue as he emptied himself inside her. The electric vibration his power gave off made her tingle deep inside, and she followed him over the edge. His name fell, loudly from her lips as he relaxed on top of her. His weight welcomed in her arms.

He kissed her slowly and thoroughly as they came down. He pulled away, and met her eyes. She smiled, completely satisfied as he brushed the hair from her face. Reluctantly, he withdrew and rolled to his side next to her. Their sweat covered bodies were quickly cooling in the cold house. He pulled the blanket over them and tucked her in under his arm. She smiled and sighed, snuggling closer to him. He reached his hand out and she turned her head to watch as he Lifted a log and placed it on the fire. His body tingled with the energy, buzzing against her, and she moaned turning her head and kissing his shoulder lightly. He chuckled, and she felt it deep in his chest.

"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind," He said, and she looked up at him, "I mean, I'm not complaining I just don't want you to think-"

"That you were trying to seduce me?" She suggested and he chuckled softly. "Not Kaidan Alenko, he's a gentleman." He laughed and kissed her. He pulled away after a moment, and again brushed hair from her face. His fingers lightly tracing her cheek. She tilted her head into his touch and he smiled.

"You know, you have to know, that I love you," He whispered as he looked into her dark chocolate eyes. She blushed, and smiled. He could feel her heart racing inside her chest. "Through everything, all of it, since that first day on the SR-1, I knew you were going to be an important part of my life. I don't think I have ever or will ever love someone this way. I couldn't even when you died."

She smiled, "You're an idiot," She answered and he grinned and kissed her. He pulled her against him, and she buried her face in his chest as he wrapped the blankets around them both. They settled, legs twisted together. He watched the fire dance before him and enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms. He felt her breathing deepen, and steady, and it lulled him to sleep.

She woke first, trembling in the cold. The fire had gone out while they slept. She leaned up and whispered Kaidan's name. His eyes opened sleepily, and she felt the moment he registered the cold when he shivered. He cursed and she giggled when he sat up. He took one blanket with him and left her the other when he went to the fireplace to restart the fire. She bit her lip as she watched him. She was amazed at the way the night had unfolded but she was grateful for it. It was what they had needed. She needed to learn to be less stubborn; she could have missed out on this and everything this could be.

She stood wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and went to the window to see how much snow had fallen. "Uh, Kaidan?" She called after she pulled back the curtains. She jumped slightly when she felt him wrap his arms and blanket around her and place a tender kiss to her neck. "Is that what I think it is?"

He laughed, and kissed a trail up her neck to her ear, "Yeah," he answered. It had snowed all night. The snow was halfway up the window, and that meant it was halfway up the door as well. "It's not a problem, though, I can move it with my bio-"

She turned her head and kissed him, effectively silencing him, "No. Leave it," She mumbled against his lips and he grinned. They were stuck until the city cleared the streets, or it melted. In reality, they would be stuck until they ran out of food and then he would clear the walkway with his biotics. Until then they'd stay bundled up in front of the fire, together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** I had intended for this to be a oneshot, but Jess and Kaidan had other plans. I hope you enjoy their story. Pure fluff. My muse wanted to play. I absolutely adored the reviews on the first part of this, and can only hope you like this as well. I would love to hear what you think.

This is rated M for a reason. If you blush easily, please, consider yourself warned.

Also, this whole story is happening because of Vorcha Girl. Make sure you head over to her page and read her work. She is a fantastic author, who has made me better.

That being said... Enjoy! **\- TLC**

* * *

Kaidan finished his glass of wine and glanced at the time. He let out a sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face. The waiter returned a moment later, and Kaidan declined having his glass filled for a third time. He handed the Salarian his credit chit, and stood taking his chit back from the waiter as he wished Kaidan a good night. "Yeah, sure," Kaidan said as he made his way out of the restaurant.

He tried telling himself Jess was probably busy and had forgotten. It may have been more believable if he had seen more of her over the last few weeks. She had been busy, and so had he but she seemed to have stopped making an effort and he couldn't figure out why. Since the snowstorm, they had fallen into a comfortable, almost domestic, routine. Depending on their assignments, they would share their space either at her place on Arcturus II, the Normandy, or at his place on the New Citadel. They were comfortable; happy, really. They would wake together, dress together, go to work together, and then go home together.

He was pushing forty, and forty wasn't old, but he was starting to feel the ache in his bones that his father used to grumble about when he was a child. Jess Shepard made him feel young again. It was like they were teenagers. Their work had them together, quite frequently still, and there were times they couldn't keep their hands off each other. A smirk, a wink, a brush of the hand, and he would be instantly aroused and she had always been equally eager. At this point, they had christened every corner of the Normandy and his office on the Citadel. Not to mention, each of their quarters.

Maybe it had all been too much, too fast. It had only been four months since the Storm.

Though, it wasn't like he had always been the one to initiate. He couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips when he thought back on the time she had come to him in his office. He had been neck deep in data pads for the better part of a week. She had sauntered into the room, her soft blonde hair pulled back off her neck in its usual twist. She unbuttoned her uniform coat as she walked, and his eyes were on her immediately as he leaned back in his chair. She stopped in front of him, her deep chocolate eyes never leaving his and her lip pinched between her teeth as she reached up her skirt and removed her panties. He watched her drop them to the floor next to him. Then, she had climbed into his lap, straddling him, the skirt of her dress blues riding up to her waist and revealing the black lace thigh high stockings beneath. His hands had slid up her thighs as she opened his pants.

She'd kissed him, without speaking, and it escalated quickly. He'd cleared his desktop with one swipe of his steely arm and took her there without even undressing. It was quick, hot, and fueled by lust and need. No words had been spoken. The room was simply filled with the sounds of their lovemaking; until she reached her peak, and his name had fallen from her lips in a harsh whisper as she struggled to keep quiet. The walls were very thin. The sound of his name, and the feel of her tightening around him pushed him over the edge. She'd kissed him slowly, and deeply as their bodies calmed and they separated. They adjusted their clothes, and she dropped to pick up the data pads from the floor. She stood and placed them on the desk, and his hands slid around her waist. She leaned back into him, her eyes closed as he placed a kiss on her neck as her hands slid over his around her. He had started to speak, and she turned and kissed him. She tucked something into his pocket and pulled away with a wink.

He'd watched her leave, the door closing quietly behind her, before he reached into his pocket. He felt his face twist on confusion at the feel of the fabric. He pulled it out and laughed when he realized she'd left her panties with him.

He hated the ache he felt in his chest when he thought about how long it had been since he'd seen her. He glanced at his 'tool hoping she had responded to one of the messages he had sent her. He felt the anger bubble in his chest when he saw she hadn't even opened them. Fuck this. She was going to answer to him. He turned on his heel and made his way towards her quarters instead of his ship. Something was wrong, and she had to own up to it. He wasn't going to disappear just because she seemed to want him to.

He reached her quarters faster than he expected to. He knocked on her door and waited. His hands were clenched at his sides. She let him sit there, at the restaurant, while other couples came and went. The Salarian waiter frowning at him, taking up the table in his section without ordering a meal. How embarrassing. He didn't deserve that. He knocked, again, louder this time.

"I'm coming! Fuck," He heard her mumble through the door, and his blood boiled. She was home. She wasn't out on some crazy, spur of the moment mission, she was home and she had let him sit there. He heard the gears turning as she opened the door.

The moment his eyes landed on her, all his anger dissipated. She looked terrible. Her blonde hair was pulled up on top of her head, but most of it was falling down washing out her too pale, round face. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, as if she'd been crying – or vomiting recently. "Kaidan," She whispered and covered her mouth with her hand. "What are you doing here?" She asked, desperation lacing her tone.

"Jess, we had plans for tonight," He reminded her, "When you didn't show…"

"I'm sorry, I haven't been feeling well, I … forgot, I guess," She answered quietly as she stepped back from the door and allowed him to enter. Her place was a mess. It was always kind of spare in her decorations. She had never really spent much time stationary. Most of her personality was in her quarters on the Normandy, which was where she spent most of her time. The door closed behind them sealing them in and he turned to face her.

"What about the messages I sent you?"

"My 'tool is off."

"The movie you canceled over the weekend?"

"I had reports to finish."

"The dinner the week before?"

"Something came up with Tali, she needed my help."

"Jess," He sighed her name, and watched as her eyes narrowed. "Stop bullshitting me and tell me what is going on," He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and standing at his full height. She matched his attitude, placing a hand on her cocked hip.

"I don't have to answer to you. I'm sorry I didn't message you, Kaidan, but clearly I'm sick. You don't own me. You don't get to control every minute of my free time," She snapped, her tone short and angry. Her dark brown eyes hard with disdain.

"I'm not trying to control you, and I don't want to own you. I love you, and all I'm asking for is a little consideration! If you're sick, tell me! I want to be able to take care of you. If you're busy, tell me! Maybe I can help take some of the load off," He sighed, the fight slipping away as he realized what he was really scared about. "If you're over this," He said, gesturing between them, "tell me. So I can move on," He asked, his eyes searching hers. He found nothing. She was keeping all her emotions at bay, keeping him out and he couldn't imagine why. He sighed, and turned on to go.

She laughed, her head thrown back, but it wasn't joyful; it was angry. "There he is! There's Kaidan Alenko! Things get tough, messy… I want a little understanding and acceptance and there he goes… walking away…" He stopped, freezing where he stood. He fought for control as the anger raced through his system. He felt the tingle of his biotics and his hands fisted at his sides. He turned and glared at her.

For a moment, he thought he saw fear flash across her eyes and it was so out of place on her, it took him back a beat. He stared at her, and took a step closer, his eyes searched hers as she crossed her arms over her midsection again. "You're never going to forgive me for that, are you? It's always going to be there, hanging over us, isn't it?" She shrugged and looked to her feet. "This isn't going to work if you can't let it go," He whispered as he reached out and tried to take her hand in his and she back away from him. He felt the ice lance his chest at the distance she put between them. He sighed her name, the pain and frustration he felt heavy in his tone.

"All you have to do is stay," She whispered, and he didn't know where her concern was coming from. Things had been going well, why did she think he would leave?

"Jess," He said, and she looked up into his face, "What's going on?" He was suddenly very nervous as he took in her appearance. Maybe it was something to do with her cybernetics. Maybe she they were giving out. What would that mean? Was she dying? Maybe it was dramatic, but he'd buried her once. Nothing seemed out of the realm of possibility anymore.

She took a deep breath before she spoke. "I'm pregnant," She muttered the words. They fell out of her mouth, really, she wasn't able to keep it in. She couldn't handle the thought of him walking out on her when she was so completely terrified of everything. Give her a geth army, a field full of Cerberus troopers, hell, give her the Reapers and she could face them down. All she needed was her shotgun. She couldn't take a shotgun to the way her body was changing. The way her career would have to change. The fact that she would have to take care of, and nurture, a child. She had never been the caring type. She broke things. She destroyed things. She ended lives; she didn't create lives.

Not to mention, she and Kaidan had only been back together for four months. They hadn't talked about the future. They were too busy enjoying the present. Apparently, they enjoyed it a little too much. They hadn't been careful. Honestly, she hadn't thought, after everything her body had been through, that she would be able to sustain life.

His face was stone still as her confession sunk in. Shepard looked down to where her arms covered her belly. It was barely swollen, no one would know by looking at her that she was pregnant. Dr. Chakwas had confirmed it, and Miranda had assured her that her cybernetics wouldn't have an effect on the baby. She hadn't been sure how she felt about it when she first found out. Her? A mother?

Then she had thought about Kaidan being a father. She could imagine him, in the front yard of his own childhood home, throwing a ball with a young boy who looked just like him. She could see him twirling around with a little blonde girl standing on his toes and dressed in a tutu. She knew he would be a great father, and he could help her be a good mother, but she had been so scared to tell him. Scared that he would look at her, in the exact why he was looking at her right now.

"What?" He asked, his voice cracking, after a long moment heavy with her declaration. He took a step closer to her, and she took a step back instinctively.

"I said, I'm pregnant," She repeated, quietly, surprised by the fear in her voice. She hated the way his eyes moved over her now. Appraising, judging. She imagined he was picturing her as her body changed, stretched and morphed to allow for the life inside her to grow. She would look different, fat, even. She wouldn't be the same as she had always been. She hated how disgusted he looked. "Don't worry, you don't have to say anything. I'm not keeping it, I wasn't even going to tell you."

"What?" He snapped, his tone harsh and angry and her eyes lifted to his as she jumped. She stared at him, "What do you mean you're not keeping it? How could you not tell me? How long have you known?" She had thought he would have been relieved, but he sounded angry – angrier. He shot the questions at her, his tone hard and fierce. Her heart was racing. She'd seen him this angry before but it was never directed at her.

"A few weeks, I … Kaidan, we haven't even talked about any of this it, what we wanted for the future. I mean … do you want to keep it?" She asked him, her heart was pounding in her chest as she stared at him. He took another step closer to her and she held her ground, letting him closer. She met his eyes, and was surprised by what she saw there. He didn't look disgusted, he looked amazed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was a whisper as he searched her eyes,

"I was scared you would leave, and I didn't want you to want to stay because you felt obligated," She admitted. "I want to be with you, and I want you to want to be with me because you want to be with me not because you knocked me up-"

"Don't say it like that," He said, shaking his head and closing his eyes.

"This isn't what I had imagined for us," She explained in a whisper, her arms still wrapped tight around her abdomen.

He was silent for a long time, "I did," He admitted, his voice hoarse and she felt her heart thump hard at his words. "Maybe not like this, but, I imagined a family with you," He croaked out the words and when his eyes met hers, she was surprised by the tears she saw there.

"Really?"

He nodded, and reached out, "May I?" He asked as he gestured towards her belly. She chewed her lip. She nodded, and slowly, hesitantly moved her arms. She could say she had decided not to keep it, but there was no way she could terminate it. Not something that would be so much of him. Slowly, he slid his hands onto her abdomen. His hands were warm, and calloused, but gentle as he caressed her, sliding his hands under her shirt to rest against her bare skin. "How far along are you?" He asked, his voice a whisper. His eyes met hers, and she watched as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Just about four months," She whispered, and his lips pulled at the corner.

"So," He started, and she watched him count.

"Yeah," She offered him a wet, nervous, chuckle. "The weekend we were stuck in Vancouver," She confirmed and he gave her a watery smile. She reached up and wiped the tears from his face.

"Are you really considering an…" The question stuck in his throat, and he leaned his face into her hands, closing his eyes.

"No, Kaidan, I could never," She interrupted him in a whisper and was amazed at the way his face crumpled in relief as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He fell to his knees in front of her, and pressed his face into her belly. Her hands went to his hair, as she held him against her. "You're not angry?" She asked, quietly.

He pulled away from her, looking up and meeting her eyes as her hands cupped his face. "No, I was when I got here, because … well … I thought you were leaving me," he admitted, and she brushed her hands against his cheeks. "You're not, are you?"

"Not unless you want me to," her answer was quiet, as her hands ran through his hair.

"No, never," He answered and he pulled her closer, lifting her shirt and placing gentle kisses to her belly. Repeating the word, never, over and over, between each kiss. His hands slid up her back, the shirt she was wearing going with it.

Her heart started to race as his touch grew more insistent. She pulled back and rid herself of the shirt. He stood, and his mouth covered hers, his tongue sliding against hers when her mouth opened for him as her hands moved over his shoulders between his shirt and jacket and it fell to the floor at his feet. He ushered her back until she was pressed against the wall, his mouth moving to her neck. He pulled back and removed his shirt as she undid his belt and pants, suddenly desperate for him to fill her, desperate for that connection that she had been so fearful of losing.

His eyes met hers, and her breath caught in her throat at how happy he looked as his hands slid over her abdomen again. She simply melted. Any fear she had about his reaction, or her ability to be a mom, vanished at the pure adoration in his eyes. He kissed her, his hands slid into her pants and pushed them over her hips as his hands gripped her rear. She moaned loudly against his mouth. Her head fell back as her hands grasped his shoulders, digging in, searching for something to ground her. She watched as he moved lower, his head dipping and covering one pert nipple with his mouth, suckling softly causing her to moan loudly, unashamed. He grinned against her at her always vocal reaction.

Her hands tangled in his hair, holding him close to her skin, as he moved across her chest. He dropped to his knees, before he leaned back and grinned up at her. She laughed through the tears in her eyes as he kissed her abdomen again. His fingers hooked in her panties and slid them down her slender legs as his mouth worked against her sensitive skin. He lifted one of her legs, securing her against the wall, and draped it over his shoulder as he left light kisses along her inner thigh. Her legs trembled in anticipation. She whimpered his name.

A loud moan slid from the back of her throat, and she felt him smiling against her as his tongue found the bundle of nerves at her core and teased it slowly, gently, as he brought a hand down to slide his fingers along her slit. Her back bowed and her knees nearly gave out. She was nearly panting, as her head pressed into the wall as she rocked her hips against him. His fingers and mouth bringing her to her peak faster than she could remember.

She nearly mewled as she came and he slowed his ministrations and let her leg rest on the floor again. She slid down the wall until she was in his lap, straddling him. His rock hard, throbbing member pressed between them. He hissed at the contact and his eyes met hers. He wrapped his arms around her and turned so he was sitting with his back to the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him. Jess still straddling him. She reached between them and found him. She positioned him at her opening and slowly lowered herself onto him.

He let out a long, low groan at the sensation of her slick walls sliding around him, gripping him tight. Once he was finally sheathed in her warmth, his eyes met hers and she kissed him deeply, thoroughly, as he tangled his hands in her hair. She slowly rolled her hips against him, lifting and falling; letting herself feel every inch of him deep inside her. When her hips lowered, he'd raise his just enough to make her gasp. Her head fell back exposing the elegant column of her neck. His hands still in her hair he brought her closer to him, and his teeth and tongue worked against her skin. She couldn't hold it back, she moaned and cursed without thought for volume and her neighbors.

"Fuck, Jess," he moaned, and she groaned. He flared, the blue energy racing along his body and making her tingle everywhere they touched. It was always enough to bring her over, and this time was no exception. He filled her, and she milked him, their bodies undulating together. She fell against his chest, spent, completely sated, and emotionally exhausted. They said nothing, for a long time. They sat, connected, and he held her.

It took a while but eventually he realized she was crying against him, "What's wrong?" he whispered and she pulled back and wiped at her eyes before leaning forward and kissing him softly.

"I'm scared," She admitted quietly, and his heart nearly broke at the tone in her voice.

He had to wonder, as much as he hated it, if Horizon had anything to do with her fears. He knew it did. He shook his head, and wrapped his arms around her. He shifted and stood, she squeaked when he lifted her; one arm supporting her knees, the other around her back. He took her to her bedroom, and placed her gently in the center of the bed. He climbed in next to her, and she opened her arms to him; wrapping him tight in her embrace. He kissed her, slowly and gently.

He pulled back and looked at her, "If there is one thing I know about you, Jess Shepard, it is that you can do the impossible," He promised and she snorted. "And the things you can't do, the normal, possible things," His hands were caressing her face, and neck as he spoke. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. "I am really good at," There it was. He saw it, she looked at him, and she was scared. Scared that one day she would look for him and he wouldn't be there. He propped himself up on his elbow, and his other hand on her belly, which he was noticing now was maybe a little rounder, fuller, than before. His heart swelled. "I'm not going anywhere. You, this baby… we're a family now, and I will promise you everyday that I will stay if that's what it takes," He promised and she nodded, as the tears fell down her cheeks. He leaned forward and kissed her as his hand slowly stroked her belly.

She pulled back after a minute, her hand drifting down and linking with his on her abdomen. "I love you," She whispered quietly, "You know that, right?"

He looked up at her, grinning, before turning her response back on her, whispering, "You're an idiot." She laughed, loudly, and he joined in. They laughed together, as he pulled her to him, and she allowed him to hold her.

Kaidan ran through the questions in his head, the decisions that had to be made. Where to live, who would work when, baby names, nursery colors, but for now, he held her and felt her breathing against him. Their hands locked over her womb. It wasn't how Kaidan had imagined starting a family with her, but nothing with her ever went the way he imagined it would.

An accident? No. Accidents are mistakes.

This was a surprise; something you didn't know you wanted until you had it. He placed a line of kisses along her neck and jaw and she sighed as she finally relaxed. He had a feeling, as she snored lightly, that his life with Jess would be full of surprises.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I am not usually a fan of surprise pregnant Shepard stories. However, with the premise of the first part... the snow storm... it really was the next step. Honestly, the joke in Buffalo, after every big storm, is that there will be a baby boom nine months later. I hope you will forgive the over done plot twist, and enjoy their story, anyway. Thank you for spending your time with Jess and Kaidan! **\- TLC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** First, I'll start by thanking those who have reviewed, or added this to their favorite or follow lists. I knew I wasn't done with Jess and Kaidan, but this surprised me with its urgency. It was inspired by Vorcha Girl and Jules Hawk. Make sure you check out their profiles; they are amazing.

This is, once again, NSFW. If you blush easily, please, stop here.

That being said... Enjoy! **\- TLC**

* * *

This was the best part of Kaidan Alenko's day. He stood in the nursery, staring down into the crib, and watched his daughter's eyes flicker behind their closed lids. She was absolutely perfect; granted, every parent claimed their child was perfect, Kaidan was convinced he was right. She was a generally happy baby, didn't cry much and was usually easy to calm when she did fuss. She slept through the night and was comfortable as long as the person holding her was comfortable. She didn't even mind Wrex or Grunt holding her, even if they were awkward about it.

He couldn't help the smile that tugged on his lips as he reached down and brushed the blonde curls off her forehead. She looked like her mother, with the exception of his curls, she had inherited Jess' deep brown eyes, fair skin, blonde hair, and freckles. When her lips pursed in her sleep, he felt his chest swell with love.

It amazed him every day just how much he could love another person. He'd fallen in love with Jess Shepard as soon as he had met her, he was sure of it. The fact that he loved her more and more each day simply astounded him. Then, he'd held his daughter in his arms and he finally understood what truly unconditional love was. In moments like these, when it was just himself and his daughter in silence, when he could hear her breathing, and feel her heart beat in her tiny chest, he couldn't comprehend the way his love for her grew, but it did. Every day.

He was wrapped around her tiny finger, and he was absolutely fine with it.

He smiled and left the nursery, closing the door behind him and setting the monitor drone to alert him if she woke. He made his way downstairs, looking for Jess. He wanted more, more of everything. Jess and he were in a committed relationship. They'd moved into his childhood home in Vancouver. He couldn't be happier, which is why sometimes he felt guilty for thinking there was more he could have. Yet, he'd grown up an only child, and had always wished for siblings. He wanted his daughter to have a younger brother or sister. He was hopeful Jess would agree, though, he hadn't brought it up, yet.

It had been a difficult pregnancy, and an even more difficult birth. If it hadn't been for Dr. Chakwas, little Hope Karin Alenko would not have made it. The Asari nurses the doctor had in the delivery room with her had been absolutely horrified when Dr. Chakwas ended up doing a cesarean section to get Hope out in time. One had nearly fainted when Chakwas took the scalpel and sliced along Jess' lower abdomen to try to save the baby. The whole experience had been terrible for Jess, he knew even the subject of going through it again would terrify her. Hope was only nine months old. He knew it was too soon to even mention the idea of more kids.

More than once during the pregnancy Jess had threatened to leave him, or accused him of wanting to leave. Between her hormones, her fear of change, or the doubt she still had in him there were days it was all too much, and she simply wanted to quit. They had gotten through it together, and now, had fallen into a comfortable routine.

He stepped into the kitchen and found Jess there hand-washing Hope's dinner dishes. He smiled as he watched her without her noticing. She had music playing quietly and her hips were swinging to the beat as she mumbled along with the lyrics. The synthetic sounding tones were soothing, and he wasn't surprised she liked this. He chewed the inside of his cheek as his eyes moved over her. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head exposing her long, elegant neck. She wore just a tank top and shorts and he could see by the crossed straps on her back she was braless. He swallowed hard as he felt the stirrings of arousal. He would never get enough of her.

He heard the drier ding to his right and watched as Jess' attention was pulled in two directions. He stood, and that was when she noticed him. He went to her, placed a hand on her hip and a kiss on her neck and she smiled as he passed her and went to the drier to take care of the laundry. He carried the basket of Hope's clothes to the kitchen table and started to fold the miniature wardrobe. He paused, looking at a onesie that claimed the wearer was 'Daddy's Little Girl' and lifted it to his nose. He inhaled deeply and smiled. He loved that smell.

He looked up and found Jess watching him, a smile on her full lips and warmth in her eyes. It was moments like these, when she looked happy, and secure in him that he couldn't get enough of. He hated the doubt she still had, doubts that had come to a head during her pregnancy, when she was sick, emotional, and then, at the end, bed ridden to make sure she would carry to term. She would look at him like she was waiting for him to leave, like she was waiting for him to prove her right and not be there in the morning, or not be there to help her shower, or help her to the bathroom. He had been, everyday. Still, he knew she had nightmares about him. She would wake up, search him out in their bed and wrap herself around him. She would never tell him about the dream, but she would whisper, "You're still here," as she held him tightly.

It broke his heart every time, and he wondered what he had to do to prove he was not going anywhere. He knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn't sure how receptive she would be to the idea. She went back to drying the dishes and he continued folding the laundry. When she finished, she turned to him and joined him in folding the laundry. He looked up at her, their eyes met, and the words fell from his mouth without his consent, "Marry me, Jess." She froze, her eyes wide and her jaw slack. She looked terrified.

He had known this was what he wanted since she had told him she was pregnant – hell, before that even, but he knew she was not fond of change, and when she had told him she was pregnant she had already been so scared. He knew if he asked then it would have been too much and he would be at risk of losing her. Now, they were already married for all intents and purposes, it was just a matter of making it official.

He smiled, her reaction not unexpected. He set the onesie down without folding it and stood. Her eyes were locked on his. She turned in her chair as her attention followed him. He dropped to his knees in front of her. He looked up into her watery eyes. He could feel her heartbeat in her hands, fast and erratic; he took them in his and held them, firm and strong. "Marry me," he spoke the words again and heard her breath catch in her throat as she looked down at him.

Jess Shepard stared down into the warm whiskey eyes of the father of her child. Her hands were trembling as they were sandwiched between his and her heart was in her throat. She was not the type of girl who dreamt of being proposed to and getting married; she wasn't a romantic. She preferred an evening at a gun range and fast food on the way home over a candlelit dinner with roses any day. Kaidan knew that about her.

Kaidan knew everything about her and he was still here.

He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed her fingers, "Marry me." He kept saying the words, and every time he did they sounded less and less scary. He wasn't asking her to keep her, he wasn't asking her as a way to change anything, and he wasn't even asking her because he loved her. She knew he did, that had never been the issue. It was like he was asking her as a way to prove he wasn't going to leave. They were in the middle of their routine, mundane housework. It was as if he was saying, 'I don't want to do this with anyone else ever.' She felt her heart miss a few beats as her chest swelled with absolute love for the man on his knees before her.

As she watched his eyes, they grew clouded and she saw the doubt slide over them. "Jess, I—"

"Yes," She interrupted him, her voice a hoarse whisper and it was his turn to look shocked. It only lasted a moment before his handsome face broke into a smile. His eyes filled with tears and his lips trembled.

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice soft and shaky, his eyes bright with anticipation.

"Yeah," She leaned down and pressed her lips to his as the tears finally fell from her eyes. He moved closer and she let him, moving her legs to either side of him. He wrapped his arms around her sliding his hands up her back as her arms wound around his neck. She whimpered softly, and Kaidan responded with a low groan. She broke the kiss, moving her lips to his ear where she whispered, "Make love to me, Kaidan."

His response was to drop his hands to the back of her knees and lift her as he stood. She obliged by wrapping her legs around his waist as her teeth and tongue teased the sensitive skin of neck. Her hands moved and slid inside his shirt, her nails scraping along his back as she pressed herself as close to him as she could. He carried her confidently up the stairs as she rolled her hips against him and let herself moan softly against his ear.

They reached the top of the stairs and made the quick turn into their room. He set her down and pulled his shirt over his head. She couldn't help herself as she moved closer to him, pressing her lips to his heated skin and tracing her tongue along his collar bone as her hands moved to his pants. He took over, his hands going to his button and zipper as she stepped back and pulled her shirt over her head and her shorts down her legs.

He grinned at her, not for the first time grateful that their child slept well, as she stepped closer to him. Her arms slid around his waist, one hand dropping and squeezing his behind as he wrapped his arms around her and stepped backwards towards the bed. She kissed him, deeply, their tongues sliding against each other and he groaned as the bed hit the back of his knees and he sat. She knelt in front of him, between his legs, and smirked up at him before her eyes moved to his erection.

Her head dropped and her lips slipped over him, and he gasped and gripped the bedsheets as he watched her head bob up and down his length. Her hands moved over his thighs, her nails left red lines as she scratched lightly. He shifted, and his hands ran up and down the smooth skin of her spine. She trembled, and moaned around him as her mouth worked him to a frenzy. His hips lifted slightly, and she accommodated slipping one hand down to cup and massage him as she continued to please him.

He moaned her name, and she glanced up at him. She released him and smiled as he struggled to hold on to his control. She brought her mouth to his and kissed him deeply. He could taste himself on her tongue, and he groaned as he wrapped an arm around her and brought her up on to the bed, rolling her beneath him. It had been a long time since they took their time with each other. Yes, their child slept through the night, but most nights they were too tired for anything more than a quick roll to satisfy their urges and ease frustration. He was determined to make the most of tonight.

He continued to kiss her, taking her hands and holding them to the bed on either side of her head. His lips moved to her neck, his teeth scraping along the skin, and he sucked gently. She was whimpering, cursing, as her body rolled beneath him, searching for the sweet friction of their bodies pressed together. He moved lower, going slowly, his teeth and rough texture of his tongue just harsh enough against her skin. He covered one breast, taking the soft flesh into his mouth and flicking his tongue over her pebbled nipple. She gasped, her back arched on its own as he pressed a line of kisses along her breast bone before repeating the action to her opposite breast. He could feel her struggling against his hold on her wrists, but he was determined to remain in control of this encounter.

The cool air hit her wet skin as he moved lower, and gooseflesh rose instantly. He paused and pressed a row of kisses along the scar at the bottom of her belly. She watched him, he knew she couldn't feel it, the scar tissue was permanently numb, but it was his favorite of her scars and he couldn't skip it. He continued lower as she whimpered.

She couldn't help it. She needed him, and she wasn't too proud to admit it, or even to beg for it. "Please, Kaidan, I need…." Her words were lost as he shifted allowing one of her legs to slip over his shoulder as he worked his mouth against her core in response to her plea. His tongue slid along her slit, dipping inside her, tasting and teasing as she rolled her hips against him. He took turns allowing his tongue to slip inside, and then massaging her clit as she begged for her release. She gasped, her back bowing and her hands pressing into the mattress as she hit her peak. Her breathing was light, and her moans high pitched as she came.

He kissed his way back up her body, following his earlier trail until he reached her mouth. He released her wrists and instantly her arms were around him, her nails dug into his back as her legs lifted, hooking over his hips. He pulled back and met her eyes, before he sheathed himself inside her with one sure thrust. She called out, and he shushed her lightly and she laughed for a second. Her laugh turned to a moan as he started moving.

He moved slowly as he held himself above her. He dropped his head to her neck, biting gently before lapping at the area with his tongue. She was high on sensation, mindless, as she let her body respond to him on its own. Her head pressed into the bed and her hips meeting his. She was close again, Kaidan could tell in the way she tensed beneath him. "Come for me, Jess," his voice was in her ear and it was all she needed as she fell over the peak again. Rushing headfirst and senseless into the waves of pleasure exploding from within her as she cursed quietly.

The feel of her clenching around him as he continued to pound into her was too much, with a few firm thrusts, he followed her. Flaring and lighting the room with the color of his biotics. She gasped, eyes wide as the sensation sent her immediately into another orgasm, stealing her breath. She grasped him tight, holding on to him, as she trembled. It was as if he was the only thing keeping her together. He groaned into her neck. Allowing himself to rest on top of her, as they struggled to catch their breath.

He pressed gentle, relatively chaste kisses to her neck, collarbone, and chest as she wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, Kaidan," She whispered, her voice shook with the words, and the power of the emotion she felt in this moment. Her nails scraped along his scalp, and he smiled against her skin.

He pulled back and looked into her face as her hands slid over his brow, and cheeks. "I love you, too, Jess," he answered, smiling as he shifted off her. She followed him, rolling to her side and allowing him to wrap his arm around her. She laid her head on his chest, and reveled in the afterglow.

It was a long while before they spoke again, "Kaidan?" she whispered softly.

"Yeah?"

"Where's my ring?" She spoke the question through a sleepy smile, and enjoyed the low rumble of his answering laugh. She was surprised when he stood. She watched as he walked, naked, across the room to their dresser. He opened the top right drawer, where he kept his socks and underwear, and walked back over to their bed.

He slid beneath the covers with her, and she kept herself propped up on an elbow as he settled. Once he was, he showed her what he had retrieved. It was a small, red, velvet covered box. He opened it with one hand and she could feel his eyes on her face as she looked at what was inside. It was simple, a single round diamond set in platinum. It wasn't so big it was obnoxious, but it was large enough to catch the minimal light in the room and reflect it beautifully. "I was kidding," she whispered.

He smiled as he rolled to face her, he pulled the ring from the box and set the box on the bedside table before taking her left hand in his. "I wasn't," he answered as he slid the ring on her finger. She barely looked at it as she leaned forward and caught him in a kiss again. She moved the sheet from between them and pressed her body to his.

He could feel them escalating again, as he responded to her touch and her eagerness. They spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other. They would both be exhausted when Hope woke early the next morning, but they were a good team. They would handle it like they handled everything else. Together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** This chapter deals with the struggles Jess faces after the war. _**Trigger warnings for character death and PTSD.**_ I hope this gives a greater understanding of Jess. I hope you enjoy... **\- TLC**

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Her feet pounded on the ground, and each step vibrated up her legs through her spine making her teeth chatter. They had him. She had to get to him. They had him. She had to save him. Her team, team one, reached the central chamber and Kasumi hacked the door for team two. She could taste the bile at the back of her tongue when Miranda called her attention to the room they were in. Pods lined every wall.

How was she supposed to find him?

They searched. Opening the pods with survivors while trying to ignore the images burned into their brains of those they didn't reach in time. Jess knew the sound of their screams would be with her forever. Her hands shook and her eyes moved quickly from pod to pod. She knew she was running out of time.

There! He was there!

She was in front of his pod; instantly, tears filled her eyes. She pounded her fists against the alien glass as he struggled on the inside. She locked eyes with him and paused. He was saying something to her but she couldn't hear him. He pressed his hands to the glass where her hands rested. They were palm to palm with the Collector's pod between them.

It took her longer than it should have to recognize the look on his face as the pod started to fill with fluid. He was in pain. He was screaming, tears streaming down his face as the Collectors took away everything that made him Kaidan and reduced him to simple organic material. Waste. They wasted him.

It took her even longer to realize she was screaming and had fallen to her knees. She vomited as tears rolled down her face. Snot, spit, and bile splashed on the ground beneath her. She had no drive. No purpose. No reason to keep fighting. Yet, something nagged at the back of her mind.

This wasn't right. Kaidan wasn't on the Collector ship. He had survived the attack on Horizon. She knew that because she had seen him there.

She looked up and saw the wreckage of the Cerberus shuttle burning in the distance. She watched as Kaidan helped Liara stand. She stood; she knew what was coming even though it hadn't happened yet. The sound of the mech beating against the side of the destroyed shuttle reverberated through the air and stole her breath.

She watched helpless as Kaidan pulled his pistol and trained it on the mech. She ran, but it was like she was running through molasses. She couldn't lift her feet or move her legs. She screamed as the mech lifted Kaidan by the helmet and squeezed. She didn't get there in time. She squeezed and the helmet gave way in her inhuman grasp. She couldn't breathe as she watched Kaidan's lifeless form fall to the ground.

No, no, no, this is all wrong.

She turned around and she was on the Citadel. Kaidan's pistol trained on her chest. Before she had a chance to think she pulled the trigger. She watched the red bloom in his BDU top, and his disbelieving eyes turned to her face. It was as if he couldn't believe he'd been shot. She felt the tears still rolling down her face but she couldn't make it stop. She looked away as he fell to his knees. His bloodied hands stretched out to her. She forced her eyes closed as she tried to make it all make sense.

When they opened she was standing in the hallway of their home in Vancouver. She felt her heart calming as she heard him rustling upstairs. She heard Hope's soft cooing. Her lips trembled as they pulled into a smile. She knew if she saw Kaidan with Hope, if she could take Hope in her arms and inhale her sweet, clean scent, everything would be okay.

She reached the top of the stairs and went into the nursery.

Her heart broke, and she felt her body turn to ice as she watched Kaidan packing all of Hope's things into bags and adding them to the pile at the door. "Kaidan?"

"No, don't," he snapped at her, and she winced as if he hit her. Her heart was pounded in her ears and her entire self was shaking.

"What," she paused and cleared her throat. Why was it so difficult to talk all of a sudden? She wanted to ask him what he was doing. Why he was leaving. What had happened? She couldn't talk. She couldn't move. Every part of her body felt numb, and heavy. She watched, once again helpless as he packed his bags.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and suddenly it all made sense; why he was leaving. She gave up. She would let them go. She couldn't stay with them. When she looked in the mirror, she saw the blue glow of reaper tech in her eyes. Her skin tinted gray where there was skin left. Most had sloughed off, leaving behind reaper cords and metal pieces. She would have vomited if she was human.

She was a husk.

She dropped to her knees as he pushed passed her with Hope cradled in his arms and their bags over his shoulder. She wasn't sure how long she was down but when she stood again she was in a familiar space.

A sparse forest with long dying trees reaching up with bare fingers to the gray sky. She was alone. She dropped and rolled to her side. She pulled her knees to her chest. She couldn't breathe. She was surrounded by the dead and dying. The voices of those she had lost called out to her. They blamed her and shamed her for surviving, for cheating death while they were left behind.

Kaidan woke first. The entire bed was shaking and he needed no time to know what was happening. He rolled towards Jess; his chest constricted painfully and tears sprung to his eyes. She had lost all color. Her entire body was covered with a slick layer of terrified sweat as desperate tears rolled down her cheeks. She was still sleeping, but still stuck in her nightmare. He slid closer to her, and wrapped his arms firmly around her.

He shushed her gently, and held her against his chest. He whispered her name, loudly, into her ear. He needed to wake her up without startling her. He tried to wake her for what felt like forever, though, it was less than a minute. He sighed, and flared. The blue energy of his biotics coated him, then her. The soft vibration seemed to calm her. Her breathing steadied and the tears slowed. She opened her eyes and met his.

He could see the disorientation there as she started at him. Then, her face crumpled and she threw her arms around him, their legs instantly twisting together. She sobbed into his chest as he held her firmly.

"You're still here," Jess whispered repeatedly. Kaidan secured his hold on her. His hands caressed her back as he promised he would never leave in response. Eventually, she fell into a light slumber.

Kaidan didn't sleep.

The sound of Hope's monitor drone at the door woke Jess. She turned sleepy, swollen eyes to Kaidan who said nothing. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I'll get her," he offered and she nodded. He stood, pulled on sweats and went to the door. He turned back, watching as Jess grabbed his pillow and wrapped herself around it.

He went to the nursery and found Hope awake and staring at her mobile. It had been a gift from Liara, constellations hung from wire and danced above Hope's head. He reached into the crib and retrieved her. He let his mind wander as he made quick work of her dirty diaper. He had hoped that proposing to Jess would have helped with the nightmares. They hadn't, and he didn't know what else he could do to help her. It didn't help that she never spoke of them, she never told him what it was that terrified her so.

He took Hope to the rocking chair in the room and sat. He hummed a melody to her; it was a tune he remembered from his childhood, though, he didn't know the words – if there were any. Hope reached out with one tiny, perfect hand towards his face. He smiled and kissed her fingers, and not for the first time realized how lucky he was. They'd won the war and secured a future for kids like Hope. Jess and he were together, and for the most part happy. He knew he would do anything to stay that way, even if it meant forcing her to talk about her demons. He knew it was the only way to make them go away.

He heard her at the door before he lifted his eyes. When he did, he saw Jess smiling at him as she leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed and his heart skipped a beat in his chest. How did he get so lucky? He looked back at Hope and watched as she lost the battle with sleep. He rocked her for a few more silent moments, before he stood. Jess stepped into the room, and they tucked their daughter back into bed together.

There were still a few hours until sunlight, and he wanted them to try to get more sleep. They climbed back into bed, and he held his arm out for her. She pressed her body against his, resting her head on his shoulder as he tucked her beneath his arm. His hand caressed her back. They were silent, but Kaidan was too concerned to sleep. He watched the light patterns from the random passing sky car dance across the ceiling.

"What's the matter, Kaidan?" Jess' soft whisper broke the silence.

"I'm worried about you, about us," Kaidan's answer came without a thought, as if on reflex. He'd already surrendered to the need for the conversation, even though he was dreading it.

"You're worried about us?"

He sighed, and looked down and finally met her eyes. He could see the fear, and confusion there and he let out a sigh before leaning forward and kissing her lightly. "You're still having nightmares. You still wake up surprised that I'm still here. I don't know what more I can do to convince you I'm not going to leave you."

She let her head fall back down onto his chest, and he said nothing more for a long time. With each passing second, he felt the space between them growing. "My nightmares aren't always about you leaving," she confessed in a whisper, and Kaidan's breath caught in his throat. He was afraid to breathe or move; afraid it would scare her into stopping. It felt like forever before she continued. "I end up alone, every time, but not because you leave, not always. Most of the time you die." He gasped, and her hand lifted and traced a nonsense pattern in the hair on his chest. "Sometimes, we're on the Collector ship and I watch them liquefy you. I can't get you out. Other times, we're on Mars and Eva Core squeezes your head clean off your shoulders. I can't stop her. Sometimes, it's Udina's coup attempt, and I can't stop myself from shooting you. Recently, and tonight, I'm here downstairs, and I can hear you and Hope up here. When I come up here, you're packing her things. You leave me, but when I look in the mirror I know why, and I don't even try to stop you because I'm a husk."

He felt her tears hit his chest before he realized she was crying. "Jess, I survived the war. You're not a husk, and I'm not going anywhere." He lifted her chin with his index finger and lowered his lips to hers. It was a soft, reassuring kiss, and Kaidan wrapped her tighter in his arms. There was nothing he could say to make the nightmares stop. At least now he knew it was more than just a fear of him breaking up with her. He caressed her back, his fingers running through her hair as he shushed her softly.

He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it earlier. He should be recognized the signs. Her anger, her mood changes, her fear, her nightmares; he should have known it was more than just them. He was a medic. He was a Major in the Alliance, and had spent his life serving. He had seen it before. Perhaps he didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see her so broken. Now that he had, he knew it was something too big for her to fix alone; hell, it was too big for them to fix together.

There was one thing he could do. So, he did. He held her until she stopped crying. He held her until the sun rose over their small home. They made plans for the future. They had a life together, and would continue to build on what they had started. However, he also knew they wouldn't really be able to move forward until she finished healing from the past.

Neither of them slept anymore that night. They simply laid together, and held each other as the world woke up around them. Hope's monitor drone entered their room, and Jess started too pull out of Kaidan's embrace. It was her turn. He reached out and wrapped his hand around her arm. She looked down and met his eyes. "Jess, I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything."

"I want you to talk to Dr. Lackey," He requested, determined. He watched Jess' face fall. Dr. Lackey was the Alliance's PTSD specialist. This was her fear. Admitting she needed help, having to ask for it, and letting go. Giving up control was not something she did easily, or often.

"If I talk to her, the Alliance will take me off active duty," she argued, her voice breaking as she struggled to hold on to the last thread of denial.

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at her. "That's probably a good thing. Jess, she can help you get better."

Jess sighed softly, and Kaidan knew he won. "Okay," she promised with a nod. "I'll talk to her." She leaned down and kissed him softly before slipping from their bed to retrieve their daughter. The kind of healing she needed is not something that can happen overnight. It has been said that every journey starts with a single step. The first step in her journey was admitting she needed help. He would be with her to make sure she continued to move forward; so they could move forward. Together.


End file.
